Actually Do What It Is You Want

Really did not feel like doing this today. Still did it. Gave me some insights

If I’m not honest with myself about how I’m feeling i will not pull in what i actually want to pull in

Like I’ll create a fake reality as compared to the one i actually want

Whereas if I’m simply brutally honest then the reflection of me that i get back from the world will be exactly correct

Had that thought cause i really didn’t want to train today, as i said

But it’s like i was sitting there trying to convince myself i did

And what that did is block the thing that was actually happening

But once i allowed myself to open up to hey dude maybe you just don’t want to train today (doesn’t mean I’m not still going to do it)

Then i could be like okay why

Instead of trying to force myself to want to

——————

What I’ve found at these times is I usually am feeling that way because there is something that i want to express that i am denying myself the expression of

And not like oh i want a cookie and because i don’t let myself have a cookie, i feel like that

Nah, more real than that

Like what do i want for my life

that kinda thing

When i don’t fully follow through on that for myself, i have less trust and confidence in myself. Like i respect myself less. Cause i know i won’t do the gutsy thing

Which i mean is kinda a relief to find

Cause those things aren’t bad. They’re good. They’re just sometimes really hard to confront

Which makes sense.

The best things in life usually are.

But i mean that’s where the life is

So i guess i gotta let myself do that.